1. The Speed Freak
- Constant foot to the floor on their “stress accelerator”
- Borderline workaholic or perfectionist
- Everything must get 110% effort, no matter how (un)important it is
- Rapid speech; interrupt others frequently
- Periods of deep fatigue after all-out effort
Two skills best for Speed Freaks:
- clarify the life goals you value most;
- learn autogenic relaxation to control how you invest energy in those goals.
More often than not, Speed Freaks are victims of faulty learning. They have learned, quite correctly, thatsuccess requires effort. But, they have turned this around, coming to believe that “As long as I keep on giving 110% effort, sooner or later I’m bound to be successful”.
And, when they don’t experience feelings of success or lasting satisfaction, in work or personal life, they simply turn up the heat. They speed even more; drive even harder … expending ever more effort, meaning more stress.
To break this stress-driven cycle of ever-increasing speed, it is obvious that the Speed Freak needs to learn how to slow down – at least some of the time when the speed is counter-productive. They need to gain greater control over their own stress accelerator. But, for most Speed Freaks, just the thought of slowing down is anxiety provoking or even frightening. It certainly isn’t motivating.
Focus for Action
So, to achieve the slow-down-sometimes aim, to gain fuller control over your stress accelerator, a little self-management jujitsu is required. Much research has shown that Speed Freaks become strongly motivated to learn how to relax only when they see how this skill would give them more control, or more of a competitive edge in many business or personal life (e.g. sports) situations.
Therefore, the starting point for most Speed Freaks is to get a more precise handle on “what’s really important”, and on which situations are truly worth all-out effort. By doing this, by clarifying their values and goals, the Speed Freak sorts out which prizes in life are really worth pursuing at full bore. Second, they quickly place a high value on “not sweating the small stuff” … on going slower in those situations, on conserving their energy for what really matters (e.g. for a key meeting; or for time with my kids). And, third, control of the stress accelerator becomes a top priority when they see its value in winding down from a busy schedule so as to be more fully “present”, not preoccupied, in a highly valued situation later in the day.
At this point, Speed Freaks become the best students, although a little impatient, of how to relax at will. In fact, they often give copies of our Autogenic Relaxation tape to close friends and business associates.
2. The Worry Wart
- Have trouble turning off their thoughts;
- Drive themselves at high RPM, but rarely put themselves in gear for action;
- Paralysis by analysis; useless wheel spinning worry;
- Frequent anxiety; tension headaches;
- Slow to recover or to come down from high-stress situations
Two skills best for Worry Warts:
- Psychological relaxation or reframing and;
- Clarifying values and goals.
Typical Worry Warts spend as much as 30% of their time and energy just worrying. And, perhaps surprisingly, they don’t worry about an endless list of things, usually they are preoccupied with from three to five worry situations.
The effectiveness of the two top priority skills recommended above arises because they address and, then, progressively reduce the central driving force in chronic worry … namely, worry is usually done as a substitute for taking action.
Actually, worry is a form of action. And endless mental rehearsal of “What should I do IF …?” is used by Worry Warts to convince themselves they are actually moving towards a solution … by worrying about the various ways their situation is likely to turn out badly. Energy is spent uselessly; hence the drain on vitality.
Focus for Action
Here’s how the Worry Wart’s two top skills work for them. Psychological relaxation means, first, becoming very specific about one of your recurrent worries, really nailing it down by itemizing very concretely all the terrible things that you imagine may happen to you IF the situation you are worried about actually does turn out badly for you.
And, then, as your second step, honestly answering these three questions. Writing down your answers is a very good idea.
- Can I change the situation I’m worried about? How? If I can change it, will I actually do that? How?
- If the situation does turn out badly, what are the worst REALISTIC effects on me?
- Assuming it does turn out badly, what’s my plan? How will I handle that?
Practice using these three questions until they become second nature for you.
For Worry Warts, clarifying values and goals means getting very specific and clear about what you want or who you want to be (e.g. an honest employee; a caring parent) in the situation you’re worried about. This is effective in several ways. First, it provides the additional motivation you’ll need to follow through on the actions you identify for yourself in the psychological relaxation exercise. And, second, because much worry can arise when trying to keep too many options open, clarifying what’s important to you will help to sort through your options, shutting down those that aren’t very worthwhile.
Tend to shotgun their energy across many options
- In perpetual “mid-life crisis”;
- Often feel dissatisfied; that life is not “adding up”; or that something is seriously missing in their lives;
- Doubt their existing goals; don’t buy into anything very deeply;
Two skills best for Drifters:
- Focus on more self-affirming relationships;
- Follow up by pinpointing the satisfying experiences you value most in those relationships.
There are two basic types of Drifters. The first, Drifter, dabbles in many pursuits. The other, Drifter, typically has one all-consuming involvement – usually work – within an otherwise quite barren lifestyle.
The Drifter often seems like a walking paradox. By shot gunning their energy across many involvements, trying to keep all their options open, they typically don’t explore or develop any of them in any depth. So, in effect, they often have no personally meaningful, deeply involving options at all. They become a prisoner of their own freedom; that’s the paradox.
The Drifter’s feelings of low vitality come only secondarily from the very considerable amounts of energy (i.e. stress) they spend across the many possibilities in their life. More so, their vitality is low because they are experiencing so little satisfaction in return from their sizable across-the-board stress investments.
The Drifter has usually been the victim of a slow seduction (of their energy), often beginning early in life. In the early days, one activity (usually work, dating or school) provided relatively high levels of satisfaction, security, meaning, etc. for moderate investments of time and energy. Increasing amounts of effort in, and reliance on this activity, of course, were followed with less and less attention to other areas. As life progressed, returns on energy invested gradually reduced, leading the Drifter simply to try harder, with yet fewer outside interests being pursued. It’s only as this downward trend line in satisfaction becomes painfully undeniable that the Drifter will take action to regain more balanced fulfillment.
Focus for Action
Your two top priority skills are developing one or two more self-affirming relationships, and then clarifying your values and goals … in work or personal life. The following synopsis of these two skills-in-action applies equally for both types of Drifter. While their beginning to make committed lifestyle choices based on clarifying their values and goals might seem the obvious starting point in a Drifter’s action plan, our research shows that it isn’t. Most Drifters strongly resist getting clear about what really matters, i.e. about what will give them deeper fulfillment.
Only those Drifters who, as an essential first step, become more fully and actively involved in one or two important relationships actually seem to possess the perseverance and the social support that is required to get them to settle down and then to make some more self-fulfilling choices.
So, the Drifter’s starting point is (a) to seriously recognize the pleasure they get, or used to get, from spending time with a compatible someone [not another Drifter], and then (b) to plan the early steps in their action plan around one or two enjoyable activities that really benefit from having a partner.
A real flesh and blood partner gives both the stimulation and the feedback the Drifter needs in order to realize (a) that some activities are more enjoyable than others and, then (b) that they are going to have to set some priorities and make some action choices if they want this pleasure on a regular basis. Only at this point does clarifying their values and goals become motivating for the Drifter.
4. The Loner
- Difficulty in giving or receiving easy, relaxed closeness or intimate sharing;
- Feel uncomfortable with others; often masked with a smile;
- Feel lonely, often unfulfilled in relationships;
- Feel alone in carrying burdens or worries;
- Often drop out of or cancel social events at the last minute.
Two skills best for Loners:
- Clarify what you value and truly enjoy in work or personal life;
- Cultivate relationships which affirm what you value.
Because they rely so little on others and, therefore, tend to receive less support from others, Loners suffer from “relationship malnutrition”. While the “keep a low profile” emotional habits of Lone Rangers can help to avoid some stress, the supportive quality of our relationships is an even more important resource for reducing stress.
The key driver of stress is high levels of uncertainty – uncertainties about what our options really are, about what we should do, about how well we’re handling things, and about what support we can count on in tough situations. And much of the information and feedback that keeps those uncertainties at a healthy level come from our key relationships at work and in personal life. Loners, in short, tend to carry a much heavier load of stress than their more socially nourished counterparts.
Becoming a Loner is usually a slow, often lifelong process. And, it’s always a self-reinforcing cycle, because (a) relationships form and deepen around the values and interests that two or more people bring to them, and because (b) most of us become clear about our values and interests in the process of relating with others. Therefore many Loners find themselves caught in an ever-deepening Catch-22. In short, most Loners tend to be fuzzy about what activities they really enjoy, so they have less reason to seek out partners for any activities. Having, therefore, few shared experiences; they tend to remain unclear about their real preferences, which just might involve other people. So the next cycle in the Loner’s Catch-22 begins – they become even more likely to remain socially on the fringe.
Focus for Action
You might think that the linchpin solution is simply for the Loner to set about (re-)cultivating one or two close relationships in their family or with friends. It isn’t.
Developing such relationships is, in fact, the second skillful step. The first skill to be honed is to clarify one’s core values and, then, the goals which best express those values. The starting point for Loners is to pinpoint one or two experiences or activities in work or personal life which (a) they know from past experience have provided real satisfaction, and (b) require someone else’s involvement for fullest satisfaction.
Because Loners are often skeptical, or sometimes anxious, about enjoying things with others, it’s important that they get clearly focused on and strongly motivated by the satisfaction they will get from sharing one of their valued experiences. Creating a short-list of “Things I really enjoy doing that would involve someone else” is difficult for many of us, especially for Loners. So, to get started, here are several examples from other recovering Loners:
- Read the (auto) biography of someone you admire or find interesting, and try to pinpoint what role any of their relationships played in their life. Share what you discover with someone you feel comfortable with;
- Pick a charity or community activity you think is worthwhile, and volunteer some of your time (not your money) to help out in an activity that involves other people;
- If you know an elderly person who might be lonely, give them a little of your time and company.
5 & 6. Basket Cases and Cliff Walkers
Recognition Signs (Basket Cases):
- In constant “energy crisis”
- Energy often fades by mid-day
- Frequent aches/pains in muscles or joints
- Sometimes depressed; feel most activities are too much to do
Recognition Signs (Cliff Walkers):
- A walking life insurance company “risk factor chart” – high blood pressure, smoking, alcohol misuse, no exercise
- Believe “It will never happen to me”
- Usually have a somewhat worn appearance
- Difficulty sustaining energy
While the secondary Stress Types for Basket Cases and for Cliff Walkers are usually different, I’ve combined these two Types here because the start-up prescriptions for both are very similar.
Two skills best for Basket Cases and Cliff Walkers
- High Performance Nutrition;
- Essential Exercise.
Feelings of low energy, more frequent minor illnesses, or aches, pains and other “run down” feelings can arise from a number of interacting sources, including poor nutrition, sleep or cardio-respiratory fitness, as well as from impairment on any of the other four vital factors at the heart of your secondary Stress Type.
For example, a low score on the factors of Control-of-Stress or Worry Control means that you are relying too frequently on the high octane hormones of stress to drive your activities.
If this is habitual, you will also experience longer and longer periods of fatigue because (a) all body systems (e.g. digestive, immune, etc.) function less and less efficiently under chronic high stress; and (b) your body’s self-protective hormones will periodically induce fatigue-like time-outs in order to repair and reverse stress-driven inefficiencies.8p] Alternatively, low scores on the factors of Fulfillment or Personal Relationships can also lead to stress-based fatigue experiences. Low scores on either factor are invariably associated with feelings of frustration, deprivation, and anxious or depressed mood. All these drive the person to “try harder”, to generate more stress until fatigue or illness inevitably set in.
Focus for Action
To regain peak vitality, the action plan for these two Stress Types is usually best pursued in two stages.
First, rebuild a reliable store of energy on tap, focusing on (i) high performance nutrition and then, within two to six weeks, build in (ii) essential exercise to improve cardio-respiratory fitness.
And, then, when both these factors are solidly re-established, you should learn simple energy conservation techniques to protect against future overdrafts on your energy account. Daily take-a-break sessions with a 10-minute autogenic relaxation tape are a vitally important tool for re-programming the body to a more even keel biochemistry. Basket Case and Cliff Walkers’ stress hormones have become locked in at chronically high levels because they rely on adrenaline so frequently to compensate for the inadequate energy they get from (a) their diets and from (b) typically inefficient cardio respiratory systems.
High performance nutrition does not require mega-doses of anything. In fact, such radical solutions almost always fail radically. Rather, it requires consistent practice of the following eight vital guidelines. While none of these guidelines is miraculous, their combined effects on feelings of energy and on resistance to colds, flu etc. are very impressive:
- Eat a variety
- Of unprocessed and little processed foods
- With high nutrient density
- In moderate amounts
- During at least three regular meals a day, definitely including breakfast
- Combined with smart snacking patterns
- While drinking at least six to eight glasses of fluid daily, with at least four of them being water
- And taking a broad-based vitamin-mineral supplement.
As you phase in your exercise program, make sure it is realistic and truly motivating for you. Be sure it builds in the “seven S’s”, namely that it targets: stamina; suppleness; strength; stress recovery; self-image; sensory pleasure; and social stimulation.
Now, you’re on your way. While it takes years of self-neglect to become a Basket Case or Cliff Walker, within two months you’ll have all the energy you need to make solid progress on turning around the strain drains coming from your secondary Stress Type.
As you get to know your Stress Type, and then begin personalizing your stress control, you will discover you now have the most powerful success factor needed in any wellness plan – stronger, more focused motivation. You can now pinpoint your unique vulnerabilities. And, by seeing your stumbling blocks, you become more energized to transform them into stepping stones for action.